lets start a swedish sibling band together
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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