Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
