YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
