I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
