I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
