My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
