I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
