I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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