Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
