Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
