Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
