i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
