You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize