Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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