Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you inspire me to be a worse person
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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