I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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