I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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