lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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