Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
