just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
