Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
