Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
