Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
