his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My dick has a subreddit
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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