Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
