ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
