why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
People with herpes should wear stickers.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
