Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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