I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
