She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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