She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
