I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
