I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
