There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
