well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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