Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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