Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
