I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
