I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
