I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
