Your dad touched me again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
