Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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