my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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