hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
