census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This house was built for laser tag.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
