I can't breathe out the right side of my face
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
