my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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