and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
