just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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