small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
