Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
