I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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