Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
