i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
