it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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