His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
