She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm really busy with my period
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