Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
