Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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