My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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