K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
