the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
