i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
