Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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