i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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