btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
